What Really Keeps You from Writing that Book?

I have mentioned before that since becoming a writer (did I just call myself a writer?) several people have commented on how they have always wanted to write a book. “I have a story to tell!” “I really think what I have been through can help others.” “I have half of a manuscript written!”


Photo Credit: Incessant Flux via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Incessant Flux via Compfight cc

Usually the next thing that they say is something about how they will never write it or they don’t have the time, or they don’t know how to get started.

I understand. It is hard. It does take time. It is challenging to know how to begin.

But isn’t anything that is worth doing hard, takes time and challenging? Of course it is!

Will anyone want to read what I write?

Some will. Some won’t. And that’s ok!

I had to press through this one.

Understanding How Fear Impacts a Child

What do you do when you are afraid? Do you ball up your fists ready to fight? Or maybe you take off running as fast you can to get away from the danger. Perhaps you freeze not able to move a muscle or think rationally.

What if you experienced chronic fear putting you on a constant state of alert? Would you be able to handle even the most basic tasks of life? How well would you relate to others? Could you even contemplate making plans for the future besides how you can survive?


Photo Credit: Marta A Orlowska via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Marta A Orlowska via Compfight cc


Often we identify bad behavior in a child as hyper-activity or defiance when in fact it might be hyper-vigilance or fear driven.

In hyper-vigilance, there is a perpetual scanning of the environment to search for sights, sounds, people, behaviors, smells, or anything else that is reminiscent of threat or trauma. The individual is placed on high alert in order to be certain danger is not near. Hyper-vigilance can lead to a variety of obsessive behavior patterns, as well as producing difficulties with social interaction and relationships. (Wikipedia)

A child from a hard place many times have lived in a state of chronic fear, maybe for years. The result is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

A study published in 2005 found that foster children are almost twice as likely to suffer from PTSD than U.S. war veterans

Why Is the Church Afraid of Upsetting the Status Quo?

In his book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us, Seth Godin talks about the difference between a thermostat and a thermometer.

Organizations are filled with human thermometers. They can criticize or point out or just whine…The thermostat, on the other hand, manages to change the environment in sync with the outside world.Seth Godin



What does the average person think of the people who week in and week out file into a church building to meet for a few hours then go home only to do the same thing the following week?

Does the ritualistic activity have any bearing on those who are not a member of that organization? Does that person even notice anymore that the organization exists?

I have attended church for as long as I can remember. And, I have been a “member” of several churches over the years, even served on staff of some. Sadly, I report that most, if not all, of them tried their best to keep things as they are resisting any kind of change that might cause harm to the organization.

What happens is that the church becomes rigid, afraid of upsetting the status quo, becoming full of members who “criticize, point out what is wrong, or just whine.”

We Have a Runner!

Recently our three-year-old son takes off running with no warning. I like watching him enjoy the freedom to explore his world. So usually I let him run as long and as far as he wants—within limits. But sometimes I go after him. Sometimes angrily. Sometimes laughing as I follow him.



The other day at church we took him to his Sunday morning class. We walked into the room. He looked around, then he bolted out the door, out the building and across the front lawn of the church with me in a fast walk behind him.

Our son didn’t look back to see if I was following him. He just ran. I have no idea what he had on his mind. Probably didn’t want to be in the classroom that day. Maybe he just wanted to see how fast he could run, or see what was around the corner.

Our son didn’t look back…He just ran.

Leadership Coaching: The Disciplines, Skills, and Heart of a Christian Coach

My friend Lance Bane turned me onto this book a couple of years ago. I continually go back to this book as a great resource.

If you have any kind of relationship where you invest in another person’s life—a child, peer, employee, or mentee—the principles taught in this book will revolutionize the way you pour into their lives.

leadershipcoachingnewmipLeadership Coaching: The Disciplines, Skills, and Heart of a Christian Coach

What Kind of Motivation Is Better—External or Internal?

I usually don’t respond well to external motivation. Anytime I sense someone trying to get me to do something, I resist. I know, not much of a team player. However, if they tap into something that wells up inside me, then look out!


Photo Credit: 13skies via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: 13skies via Compfight cc

In the world of physics, when external pressure is greater than internal pressure, what happens? The object implodes. But when internal pressure is greater than external pressure, kinetic energy explodes. I know a little geeky for this blog.

So ok, let’s look at it through a human relational lens.

A person’s internal pressure results from what they tend to place on themselves, such as, perfection, intensity, self-criticism. These pressures motivate a person to action many times with damaging side-effects.

Whereas, external pressure on a person might include financial goals, a certain result in mind, or the expectations of another person. These pressures can also cause unwanted effects while driving a person toward a goal.

So which one is better?


You Are a Writer: So Start Acting Like One

About three years ago, just before turning 50, as I pondered a career change, I wondered if I could be a writer. This book has been a great source of encouragement and information.

The author, Jeff Goins, asked the question, “When can I call myself a writer?” The answer he received, “When you start acting like one!”

Catalytic advice that freed me up to take my new career seriously!

I can’t count how many people have told me that they want to write a book. If that is you, I recommend you buy and read this book!

You Are a Writer (So Start Acting Like One)you-are-a-writer-final-570x760

Three Principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention

Developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at the TCU Institute of Child Development, Trust-Based Relational Interventions® (TBRI®) is an emerging intervention model for a wide range of childhood behavioral problems. It has been applied successfully in a variety of contexts, and with many children for whom numerous other interventions have failed (e.g., medications, cognitive-behavioral therapies.) TBRI® is based on a solid foundation of neuropsychological theory and research, tempered by humanitarian principles. It is a family-based intervention that is designed for children who have experienced relationship-based traumas such as institutionalization, multiple foster placements, maltreatment, and/or neglect. For the past ten years, Drs. Purvis and Cross have been implementing and evaluating TBRI® , and their strategies have proven extremely effective in creating healing environments for children who have come from “hard places.” (from http://www.child.tcu.edu/)


The TBRI intervention model applies three main principles—Empower, Connect, Correct. The studies have proven that traditional parenting and interaction styles don’t usually work well with children from a hard place.

Let’s take a closer look at what these three principles look like: