You may have heard before that with every adoption there is loss. If a child needs a forever family, it is because something went very wrong. When a family adopts a child, the future of that child is forever altered.
When we began fostering our son, I don’t think I had a real grasp on the influence we had on his future, regardless whether he became a part of our forever family or not. But once we adopted him, I began to see that we had indeed changed his destiny.
Destiny defined—The events that will necessarily happen to a person in the future.
Obviously an adopted child’s destiny is changed. But is it always better? Sadly, it’s not always. But when it is…wow what a difference.
Here are a few ways a child’s destiny might change:
Even though our son was only eight-months-old when CPS placed him with us, he had endured emotional trauma. Even though our family, like all families, has its own dysfunctional tendencies, we intentionally work on emotional health. Danielle and I have learned tons over the years from our own relationship. And we continue to learn how trauma affects a child from a hard place and how we can help the healing process.
Many adopted children come from situations that lend no real opportunity for close, intimate relationships. Either they come from institutional care, serial foster homes, or extremely broken families.
When a child is adopted by a family dedicated to parenting that child, that child learns how to successfully relate to others.
My intention is to model that for my son. What does a relationship with God look like? My wife? Friends? I also intentionally am in community with others who can support that.
Too often an adopted child comes from a background of abuse. They might lack physical safety, food to eat, time to play, etc.
Our son will never have to worry about a safe place to sleep, whether he will have enough to eat, or if he can be a child and play. These simple truths allow him to grow at an age appropriate pace instead of have to learn how to protect and fend for himself.
Children who come from broken and hard places naturally struggle in school. The trauma of abuse, neglect or abandonment makes it nearly impossible to focus on learning. Instead they focus on surviving.
When a child is adopted into a nurturing, healing family they can, over time, learn to trust that their felt-safety needs are taken care of enough so that they can return to learning.
Broken families usually are a mess financially too. That just goes hand in hand.
Families who adopt whether through foster care, domestic, or international are required to have their financial house in order. Finances are looked at closely when a home study is done.
Yes, anytime there is an adoption, loss was experienced.
But thankfully that is not the end of the story. More times than not, a destiny is changed for the better.