Dad to Dad Interview with Danny Cook [Podcast 028]

Sometimes It Is Obedience Rather than Desire

In this Dad to Dad episode I interview Danny Cook, pastor of Legacy church in Round Rock, Texas. He and his wife, Rachel, have fostered 20 kids over about seven years, adopting one.

I know you will appreciate Danny sharing his story in an authentic, vulnerable, even raw at times, way. Below you can see some summary notes from the interview. Enjoy and please share the link.

Show Notes

  • Danny’s story begins out of obedience.
  • Saying yes to fostering gives you a front row seat to watch life transformation.
  • You do give up some of your life so that a child can find their life.
  • Find out where you can get the motivation to do the hard yet right thing.
  • Danny shares a couple of huge turning points in his journey as a foster dad.
  • How to help men talk about their fears.
  • Danny talks about the joy of working with men who say yes when it is so easy to say no.
  • Danny shares about a ministry that he and Rachel lead called Unshaken that equips and encourages foster and adoptive parents.

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Why Won’t Your Foster or Adopted Child Look You in the Eyes?

It Might Be the Key to Why They Resist Your Love

My son is just now beginning to look me in the eyes when I talk to him. He is almost seven and has been in our family for six years. Sometimes I gently hold his cheek and ask him to look at me. He seems to try, but he looks at the ceiling, to either side, glances at my eyes for a split second, then quickly looks away.

I feel sadness rather than anger or frustration. My father heart longs for his trust; for him to feel safe with me.

As I said, he is looking into my eyes now more than he ever has, and when he does, I try to hold his eyes for as long as he will let me.

Do you find it hard to look into someone else’s eyes?

To look fully into the eyes of another person takes vulnerable courage. It’s like we can see into the other person’s soul as they pear into ours.

Sometimes the reason a person won’t look you in the eye is they feel guilty or did something wrong. But more often the reason is…FEAR.

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Dad to Dad Series Introduction [Podcast 026]

Why it Is Important that We Fully Engage as Foster and Adoptive Dads

I am introducing a new podcast series I am calling Dad to Dad. While attending the CAFO (Christian Alliance for Orphans) Summit earlier this year, Amy Holman, who ran the bookstore at the summit, suggested that I create some podcast episodes directed toward other foster and adoptive dads. I loved the idea.

Our wives tend to do a better job of seeking support and encouragement where we men often try to handle it ourselves. We aren’t always comfortable sharing with others, especially when it reveals a perceived weakness or failure.

I hope that the Dad to Dad episodes will give foster and adoptive dads some support, encouragement, and challenge. I also hope that this isn’t just a one way conversation. I want you to dialogue with me, ask me questions, share your stories, even schedule a podcast interview with me.

To kick off this series, after introducing it, I touch on three reasons why I think it is important that we as fathers fully engage and embrace our role.

After you listen, let me hear from you. Also, share the podcast with your friends who are also foster or adoptive dads.

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Your Foster or Adopted Child Needs Space to Heal

6 Ways to Give Your Child Space

Summertime with a son is so much different from when we didn’t have any kids. When it was just Danielle and I , summer wasn’t much different than any other time of the year.

 

That is all different now that we have a six-year-old son. Danielle’s main summer job is thinking of ways to keep a very active boy busy. So we spend days at the swimming pool with friends, going out-of-state on a plane for the first time, vacation bible schools, sports camps, visits to family and friends in other towns. Did I leave anything out?

We easily could have signed our son up for a baseball league, a swim team, a soccer league, and gymnastics. Why not? It’s what American, middle-class families do these days. We don’t want our kids to miss out on anything in life. Or, for me at least, I don’t want to hear those words, “Daddy, I am bored!” Besides what will we post on social media if we don’t do all of it?

The thing is a busy schedule might not be the best thing for your foster or adopted child. Some would say it’s not good for any kid.

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Why Does Your Foster or Adopted Child Reject Your Love?

It is a scene that plays out in foster and adoptive families over and over. Parents tearfully share stories about the children they welcome into their families rejecting their love. It’s especially painful when, no matter the child’s age, they stiff-arm every effort a parent gives to help them feel loved and find healing.

This past Sunday the pastor at my church quoted from a book by Dr. David Benner—Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality (Spiritual Journey). First as I listened, I identified in my own life the ways I struggle with surrendering to love. Then I began to listen through the lens of my experience as a foster and adoptive dad.

I bought the book and began reading, and I can see clearly how many of my son’s actions—His high need for control; his overly cautious tendencies; his need to be with one of us all the time, yet struggling with trusting us with his deepest thoughts; His desire to be the center of attention and to always be right, the first, and the best—point to one thing.

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Matt & Julie Kouri — Lessons Learned from Their Adoption Journey [Podcast 023]

In today’s episode, I interview Matt and Julie Kouri about their adoption journey. They have three children that came to their family through adoption. Below you can see in the show notes some of what we discuss.

Kouri Family

 

 

Show Notes

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In the Fullness of Time: How Adoption Reflects the Gospel [Podcast 20]

In this episode I expound on a blog post—3 Takeaways from the Future and A Hope Conference. I focus on the first takeaway…God sees brokenness and leans into it.

Here are a few things that you will hear…

Two insights:

  1. Adoption reflects God’s redemption story.
  2. God ordains adoption at just the exact time He intends it to happen.

Two conclusions:

  1. Adoption is a covenant relationship.
  2. It is important to be sensitive to God’s timing.

Do you enjoy this podcast? If so, please click the subscribe link for iTunes located directly under the player above. That will take you to the iTunes page for His Hands His Feet. Then go to Ratings and Reviews to leave an honest review of the podcast.

If that link doesn’t take you to the page for His Hands His Feet, please use this one—https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/his-hands-his-feet-podcast/id1165097533?mt=2.

Thank you!

When You Need to Pull Your Child Closer: Conversation with Danielle [Podcast 019]

Sometimes something triggers a fear or anxiety response in our children so strongly that it impacts how they interact with their environment. They can respond with uncontrollable anger, paralyzing fear, or an urge to run.

We might not always know what triggers that response, but we can know how to respond to the behavior. When we understand how trauma affects the brain and how some things cause a shift from the complex, thinking area of the brain into the protective part, we hopefully will handle the situation in a manner that helps our child feel safe again. And when they feel safe again, they can make rational, healthy decisions in response to their environment.

In this episode, Danielle sits down with me to discuss a recent series of events that has triggered a fear response from our son. We talk about what happened, how we handled it, and why we handled it the way we did. At the time of the recording, much of this is still occurring.

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3 Takeaways from the 2017 Future and A Hope Conference

I attended the Future and A Hope conference last Saturday in Austin, Texas. This is a conference that brings together those who advocate for vulnerable and at-risk children. Some who attend are just beginning to explore and discern what their role is.

Other families who attend are in the midst of parenting children that they foster or have adopted either through foster care, private domestic agencies, or international agencies.

One thing I noticed this year (this isn’t one of my takeaways) is that many attendees have at least a basic understanding what trauma informed care is. That speaks to the work of many in this field. Families, counselors, caseworkers, and others are now speaking the same language more than ever. This is a good thing.

Ready for some takeaways?

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What Does A Wholistic Approach to Orphan Care Look Like? [Podcast 017]

An Interview with John Palmieri of World Orphans

In today’s podcast episode I interview John Palmieri with World Orphans. I met John a few months ago through a mutual friend. What I learned about World Orphans impressed me.

John and family fun photo!

If you are like me, you probably think that World Orphans is another organization that helps families adopt internationally. However, World Orphans, as you will hear in the interview, focuses on strengthening families and communities across the world.

Show Notes

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