Why Won’t Your Foster or Adopted Child Look You in the Eyes?

It Might Be the Key to Why They Resist Your Love

My son is just now beginning to look me in the eyes when I talk to him. He is almost seven and has been in our family for six years. Sometimes I gently hold his cheek and ask him to look at me. He seems to try, but he looks at the ceiling, to either side, glances at my eyes for a split second, then quickly looks away.

I feel sadness rather than anger or frustration. My father heart longs for his trust; for him to feel safe with me.

As I said, he is looking into my eyes now more than he ever has, and when he does, I try to hold his eyes for as long as he will let me.

Do you find it hard to look into someone else’s eyes?

To look fully into the eyes of another person takes vulnerable courage. It’s like we can see into the other person’s soul as they pear into ours.

Sometimes the reason a person won’t look you in the eye is they feel guilty or did something wrong. But more often the reason is…FEAR.

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When Things Meant to Stay Bonded Together Tear

5 Things I Know Are Still True about God

I sang a rendition of a Twila Paris song at our wedding over 27 years ago—Bonded Together. Originally it’s a love song sung to God, so I slightly altered it and made the person of affection my beautiful bride. I think God (and Twila) was ok with that.

The first verse and part of the chorus goes like this:

Like tightly woven garment, like metal alloy, we are put together in the strongest way. With a common bond to join us that they cannot destroy we are held together in the longest way. And we could not be pulled apart without tearing out a heart. Bonded together…we are bonded together. Bonded Together by Twila Paris

Bonded Together

Two experiences this past week shook me. Both hit me in the same day. One was a relationship. The other a tendon in my ankle. Both torn yet meant to stay bonded together.

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How Do You Know Which Way to Go?

3 Ways Most Do It that Aren't Necessarily the Best

My wife knows all too well I enjoy looking at maps. I even got a job once that all I did all day was look at maps. That probably sounds boring to you, but I loved it!

When I drive somewhere new, of course I look at the map to look at different routes, what towns or cities I will drive through, on and on. Have you ever stopped at one of those big travel stores and seen a map on the wall that shows you where you are? If you are like me, not only have you seen them, but you stood there looking at it while you waited for others in your group.

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Understanding How Transitions Affect my Son

3 Types of Transitions

My adopted son just completed his second year of preschool. A few weeks ago some coping behavior resurfaced—chewing on his shirt, separation anxiety, etc. Danielle and I struggled to find the cause. Then on the way to his next to last day of school, he asked Danielle, “What if my teacher next year doesn’t love me?”

Photo Credit: TheaBredie via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: TheaBredie via Compfight cc

We then understood that this was most likely the cause of his behavior. I knew most kids ramp up at the end of the school year and wonder what the next year will bring. But this took me a little by surprise.

Honestly, I was frustrated by his regressed behavior especially his separation anxiety. I had to breathe deeply when he clung to my leg instead of going into his classroom or when he didn’t want me to leave the house. Part of the frustration was me not understanding the cause. I really shouldn’t need to always understand the cause. I know sometimes I never will understand. But it helps.

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What Could Happen if We Said “Yes God” Instead of “How God?”

How God? How exactly are you going to do it? How can you use me? How are you going to fix this? Mankind has been asking these kinds of questions of God for a long time.

Trouble with the How questions is that it reveals a lack of faith and a need for control.

When we show faith, we trust God at His word—whether it is His written Word or the word He impresses on our heart. When He speaks to us and we respond, “How?”, do we reflect someone who follows Him? Do we demonstrate that He is our Lord who is all Powerful and all Knowing?

When I ask God how, I am really saying that I want some control in the matter. I want God to explain to me how He plans to fulfill His promises. Does He owe me an explanation? Do I deserve to know how He will do what He says He will do?

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How to Develop Trust with an At-Risk Child

My wife took our three-year-old son to one of his favorite places yesterday—the mall. He enjoys playing at the indoor toddler playground as long as other children are there.

Sure enough children swarmed the play area, running, laughing, crying, climbing, and playing chase. Some parents sat fiddling with their smart phones periodically checking on their child. While others hovered over their little one trying to protect them from the bigger kids.

Our son quickly made friends with two girls who were sisters. When their mother announced that it was time to go, he followed the family out of the play area telling them he wanted to go home with them.

As my wife ran out to chase our son down, the girl’s mother was telling him that he needed to go home with his own mommy.

Whoa! What is that all about?


The challenge is he either doesn’t know who to trust or he doesn’t trust anyone. This prevents him from securely attaching to us as his mommy and daddy. Children from a hard place often struggle with this.

What is meant by, “a child from a hard place”?

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How Your View of the World Affects Mission Work

We were standing around a pile on the ground of cement mix, rocks and sand. About 12 of us. Half of us from the U.S. The other half guys from this village high in the mountains of Guatemala.

Some of the local guys had just poured some water on the pile of mix in what looked like to me a strategic way. Then they stood back. Leaned on their shovels and talked. The pools of water slowly soaked into the pile. They seemed to not care.

All of us Americans began looking at each other. What are they waiting on? We are only here for a few days and we have a lot of work to do!

One of our young 20 something guys couldn’t take it any longer. He jumped at the pile with his shovel and began mixing the water into the pile as fast as he could. Another of our group joined him. They had the look of satisfaction on their faces. Now the job was getting done!

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Do you Make These 9 Relationship Mistakes?

I have always had friends. At least I called them friends. But, I never confided in them. I kept my fears and insecurities, my dreams and ambitions to myself. The result – no one ever really knew me.

Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Several years ago when my marriage was close to falling apart, one of my sincere prayers was simple – “Lord, teach me how to be a friend.” Because I did not know how to be a friend, I really had no friends.

God answered that prayer. Today, I have men in my life that sharpen me. They keep me accountable, on target, and humble.

If you are not interested in this kind of friendship, or if you think you can handle life on your own, then you have no reason to keep on reading.

But, if you do want  true friends, and you want to learn from my mistakes, continue reading.

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